Struggling in your relationships?
Take a good look at your partner – pay attention to what upsets you!
Divorce and relationship breaks up are sadly becoming fashionable. If we really knew the truth behind the dynamic of our relationships we would not walk away so lightly.
If our partner is a man, they are playing out the behaviour of our own dynamic of POWER (the ability to make things happen in the physical).
If our partner is a woman, they are playing out the behaviour of our own dynamic of POTENTIAL (the quality of the experience of all your activities and resources).
The problem is not that we decide to end the ‘commitment’, the problem is that too many people walk away without taking responsibility for what they are doing that causes the ‘pain’. We walk away because we feel we are not in control but we are!
Shatter the illusion, break free and regain control
If you are caught up in any kind of relationship struggle right now, please stop and do this exercise.
- Ask, what am I really upset about. What is the emotion that I am feeling that I do not like; then ask…
- Is this something I am doing I need to stop doing… or is it something I need to do more of.
Here’s the reality… they are not doing anything TO YOU. The emotion you are feeling is coming from inside of you and they cannot put a finger through your skin and push the pain button.
The pain is there because you are ‘upset’. It means that there is a fight. To feel bad you must recognise what feeling good feels like. Your body is telling you that something about your behaviour is ‘not in balance’ with the harmony of the REAL YOU. If you feel bad it is because you sense it can feel different… yes, that is the truth, it is great you have that emotional impulse to prompt you to listen.
No matter how many excuses you use to ‘frame’ and justify giving yourself a back door, you will re-create this again if you don’t see what you are doing.
The truth is that every person spends the same amount of energy ending a relationship, dividing property, dealing with the heart-ache and adjustments than they would if they stayed and committed to loving that person.
The problem is that we have no idea what marriage and commitment is when we get into a relationship. When we say ‘I do‘, it is usually spoken in the ‘honeymoon’ stage, i.e. the first seven year period.
This is the first layer of our own relationship with our self. When we ‘evolve’ we must go deeper and then it takes more love and commitment to face what we need to heal and no-one prepares us for that.
When God designed man and woman together he had a very clear and fruitful reason. He asked us to marry as a sign of ‘commitment’ because He knew that by agreeing to stay together we would face what we needed to face within ourselves in a ‘loving’ situation. He knew that as He set up the spiritual law “like attracts like”, we would pull to us the behaviour reflecting our current relationship with our power (man) or potential (woman) and when it manifests as a person it is not so easy to dismiss as it a thought; we are dealing with it face on in all its glory!
The purpose of a marriage is to have two people join forces of resource to assist each other to be the best they can be; to experience more joy and abundance in life. To love each other enough to help each other realise their dreams. That is why ‘intimacy’ is part of the deal as a symbol or metaphor of…. “Are you willing to share your deepest, most intimate, vulnerable parts of yourself. Are you willing to open yourself up and trust this person?“.
When you look at the current states of relationships it is clear that this has never been realised.
When relationships break up we hear all kinds of things and all the stories for breaking up sound reasonable but I say again, if we don’t look at the underlying truths, we will lose out and go around the mountain one more time. Naming it for what is it will set us free to restore and heal our dysfunctional behaviour; everything that is stopping us from living out our heart felt dreams and desires.
Usually relationships end because people become exhausted by the pain but the pain is usually because they keep repeating the same conversations over and over and expecting a different result. Each person won’t stretch or give more until they see the other person change. I often wonder what would happen if that was their child behaving like that, would they give up so easily?
We tend to assume a distorted view of love. Though the colour pink is reflective of its true vibration, pink is the vibration that sets up a platform of ‘no-resistance. It is not this wimpy, girly colour. Yes we think of women that is because the female represents ‘potential’ (the expansion of all possibilities, our richest experience).
That is what love means. It means finding harmony in the midst of deep, painful emotions we could from the fight with ourselves so we can soar into the person we were designed to be; the person who is sitting on the inside buried under the layers of fraudulent behaviour.
That fight shows up in our relationship of what WE SEE in our partner and the reason why we want to run out the door instead of looking at the pain and finding a solution.
When God blesses a marriage He makes it clear that within this relationship he has bestowed the power and love enough for each person to realise true happiness.
Perhaps you have decided not to get married… can I encourage you to think about why not because that question will help you see what you really believe about your relationship. Whatever you believe will eventually come to pass!
You are a magnificent, phenomenal Being, within you is genius, creativity, prosperity you haven’t even room enough to house. The people around you must be housing that too.. love them, believe in them, lift them up, compliment them…
God told us to “love each other as ourselves”… that is because what comes at us IS US and therefore we need to stop and think what would I say if this were me?!
Love is the only strategy that will heal, inspire and transform… but you must do it on purpose you are unlikely to ‘feel’ like doing it so it you are waiting, grab a comfortable seat.
We are all human beings which means we fully understand the consequences of everything we say and do on another person. We know what will hurt and we know what will uplift. So why don’t we do it? We don’t apply this wisdom to our relationships because it mirrors the relationship with our self; we are used to the dysfunction. It is comfortable. To change it requires a purposeful change in dialogue and action and we don’t do it because we don’t believe it can be magnificent because we haven’t tasted the cookie so to speak.
The irony is that if in the midst of our anger someone we ‘respected’ walked in we would change our conversation and demeanour instantly (proving that we can if we want to).
Help your partner find happiness and love. Discern who they really are and what makes their heart sing, then help and support them to do it… then watch your heart’s desires come to pass in amazing ways… as you really love them, you will experience joy.
Remember, always GIVE WHAT YOU WANT TO HAVE!